Mother’s Day from the Other Side of Parenting | Part 4, Festivus
And sometimes, it’s Festivus for the rest of us.
Many times I do not post on Mother’s Day. It came be a sad and depressing day for me, and many other moms who are on the other side of parenting.
Maybe you are estranged from your kids.
Maybe your pregnancy loss from miscarriage or abortion is too overwhelming.
Maybe your mom just passed away.
And that’s just one side of the other side of parenting.
Some moms gave their child up for adoption.
Some moms are in prison.
Some moms are still in recovery.
Some moms are still reeling from their kids taken away to foster care.
Some moms are dealing with a bad divorce.
Some moms are dealing with the death of her husband.
Some moms were abandoned.
Some moms feel they don’t deserve to be mothers and can’t get past the guilt.
There are so many sides to the other side of parenting. Mother’s Day can be a grim reminder of a past you can’t fix.
Why can’t moms just love life enough to let it spill over to their children? Because moms in crisis don’t have the luxury of being optimistic. It’s survival.
Mother’s Day is not a hallmark holiday for the rest of us. WE CANNOT CHANGE THE PAST but we can be more forward thinking for our future whether others in your life or family believe we deserve it or not.
Be kind to moms on Mother’s Day. You don’t know the grief they may be going through. I know for me, besides a bunch of other stuff I mentioned before, I lost my mom just last month. Even when your childhood wasn’t the best, or even at least ‘normal’, I still mourn her loss, knowing I cannot see her again on this side of heaven. But my hope still resides with Jesus, and eternity with Him, and seeing her again renewed and young and healthy again. I am forever thankful she chose life for me.
So set up the pole. Air your grievances. Show your feats of strength. YOU ARE A MOM. Society cannot take that away from you.
God bless all of you on this Mother’s Day. You are worthy of love and respect. Make this day a day of renewal and greater Love.
Mother’s Day from the Other Side of Parenting | Part 3, Step Families
This is a great subject for me. Now, I will acknowledge that other moms don’t have a great relationship with their step kids or maybe the problem resides with THE OTHER MOM and her family making sure you don’t have a healthy relationship with the kids. There are so many facets of step parenthood.
But for me it was another chance for not just parenting, but changing my self image that I allowed to look like a train wreck. Shame on me for that, deserved or not. We cannot be a better parent if we continue to remind ourselves we were bad parents or non parents in the past. God has a way of renewal for us that we sometimes mistake for more of the same.
Since being a step parent, I still cannot get past my grief of my past parenting, but now I have that amazing chance to be the parent I always wanted to be to my own kids and my step kids. Who knew I was worthy enough of being a mentor and friend to people I did not give birth to? How is that even possible? Truly, it is a God thing. God can heal ANYTHING.
Let me be clear: I KNOW I am the lucky one, blessed beyond measure to be in a family that celebrates my love and knowledge. I am trusted, I am loved without strings.
Step parenting can be truly beautiful. These great kids adopted me. This should be the way of life of every step family.
Happy Mother’s Day!
Mother’s Day, from the Other Side of Parenting | Part 2, Fostering
As a prolifer, a public one at that, I deal with all kinds of moms. I had the opportunity to know about the other side of parenting: The foster system.
Foster parents are definitely the unsung heroes of parenting. I always knew this but did not KNOW it until I was given the opportunity to serve. It was sweet, it was heartbreaking, it was worth it. Seeing someone in the lowest part of their little life was heart wrenching.
The foster system is NOT perfect; some kids slip through the cracks, and sometimes it may have been the best thing for the child in crisis. In our foster journey, it was the best for her. Even in her little two year old brain and memories, she fought me hard because that’s all she knew. There was breakthrough and love and a bunch of silliness.
I think of days watching her watch the rain.
I think of days watching her picking dandelions.
I think of days watching her dance with bubbles.
I imagine calico dresses and rolling hills for her to explore.
I wished for more time.
But then I realize that I just put her in a bubble of time that does not change. She never ages. She is always safe. And she always smiles.
I got to be a mom again. I got the chance to help a child understand her life matters. And that alone is more than enough.
Happy Mother’s Day!
Mother’s Day from the Other Side of Parenting | Part 1, Non-Parenting
As a prolifer, a public one at that, I deal with all kinds of moms. A LOT.
As moms, we go to the sidewalk to empower other moms keep their unborn children with real options and solutions. As moms, we go on outreaches to show the public WHY motherhood is better than a trail of tears from aborting children who are innocent of all crimes. As moms, we teach our families the importance of the ‘office’ of mom, the ‘career’ of mom, the unpaid super hero since the very beginning of time.
And as a mom, I can tell you that through the great parenting you received as a child, you can be the mom you are meant to be. All it takes is time, patience, and tons of LOVE.
BUT (there’s always a but in there) what about the rest of us who learned on the job, had no training, and is the product of non-parent parents?
Without going into great personal detail, I can tell you from experience that you will mimic what you are taught, even passively. This is why women who are parented by a non-parent need to find those women you admire to get what you need as a mom of your own family.
There are moms EVERYWHERE that want to pass on their abilities to women who want to learn and glean from them. They can come from anywhere, you may already know of some without even realizing it. Maybe it’s a favorite aunt, a neighbor, a woman at church, a friend. I learned much from people who never knew I paid attention.
We thank God for moms no matter where they are in their parenting or non-parenting journey. Every mom is a teacher and teachable. All you you have to do is care enough to listen to them, cry with them, laugh with them, and just be there.
Happy Mother’s Day!